just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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