Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
