she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
