i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
