trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
