I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
