Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
