Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
