I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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