So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
