fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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