Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
