my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
