I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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