your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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