Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
