I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
