dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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