Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
