True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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