Who wears a wallet chain?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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