Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
