some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
