last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
