I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize