last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
