I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
