You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
