NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
