i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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