Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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