i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
