after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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