apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
