It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
