Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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