Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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