So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
