my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
