i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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