I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize