Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my poor anus
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize