I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
