if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
