I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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