I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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