What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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