A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
