I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
