..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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