He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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