Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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