if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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