Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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