i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
