hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
