Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
