hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
