Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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