1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize