What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
