Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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